I got into an interesting conversation with someone about a
little over a week ago. We were talking about men and women and sex and our
conversation was quite pointed in some regards. It set me to thinking about a
great many things, but there was one thing I kept coming back to.
Why don’t women want to have sex?
Men ask that question all the time. There are even jokes
about it: What’s the best birth control you can get? Wedding cake.
Asshats.
But seriously, men do ask this question all the time, or
some variation of it. Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex? Why isn’t my wife
interested in sex? How do I get my wife to want sex? Why doesn’t my wife want
to have sex anymore?
I have some really bad news for you, fellas. Really bad
news. Your wife really does want to
have sex.
She just doesn’t want to have it with you.
Okay, studly, now pick your jaw up off the floor and listen
up. I’m going to tell you the truth, and you won’t like it, but you should
probably pay attention. And I know what I’m talking about. So here goes.
First of all, here’s a truth: For men, in the arousal
process, there comes a point of no return. It’s that place where, no matter
what happens, he’s going to finish. It’s inevitable. There will be release for
him, short of him getting run over by a train. Yeah, that’ll probably ruin his
happy ending. But otherwise, he’s going to get it.
Women, on the other hand, don’t have this safety net. One
wrong move, one stupid gesture, one nasty comment, and it’s over for her and
the whole process has to start again. Most of the time, she’ll just tell you to
not bother and roll over and go to sleep. Why? Because she knows the second
time will be as frustrating and uneventful as the first. Shame, too.
Second, here’s another truth: What works for you will not
work for her. Let me say this again so that you get it.
WHAT WORKS FOR YOU WILL NOT WORK FOR HER.
What do I mean? I know how you stroke yourselves. I know how
you like for us to stroke you. And that kind of stroking will not work on us. Our bodies don’t respond to anything that
frantic and harsh. Sometimes they will, but not usually. It’s a rarity. Not
only that, but if we’re stroking you and we quit, you get all upset. But for
most women (not all, but most), pausing momentarily and giving pleasure
somewhere else only makes her more sensitive when you return to the previous
activity. Not kidding. It really does work. And unless a woman is adequately
aroused, she’s not going to have an orgasm from vaginal sex. Isn’t going to
happen.
Third, it’s a damn shame I should have to tell you this, but
I must: Just because you enjoyed it doesn’t mean she did. So you got your grand
finale, and because it felt good to you, you’re pretty sure it felt good to her
too. Not necessarily. Trust me, being your own personal cum dump doesn’t do a
damn thing for her. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. It’s just become all about you
and not at all about her.
Fourth, here’s one that you not might know: By nature, women’s
bodies work in an orderly fashion. Here’s what I mean: If you give a woman an
orgasm through manual stimulation, her body is automatically going to want
vaginal sex, possibly even beg for it. It’s inevitable. Why, you ask? Because it was nature’s way of
making sure that pregnancy took place. It’s all about the chemicals released
during sex (don’t make me go into all that detail, please – it’ll suck all the
fun out of this post) and the way they change the body as they are synthesized.
They’re mostly things like dopamine and serotonin and stuff like that,
neurotransmitters, and they’re all-important in the sexual satisfaction
process. I know, it’s complicated. It’s chemistry. Isn’t that what it’s
supposed to be about anyway?
That was a joke. Chill out. This is not a college chemistry
course, and no, there is no opportunity for extra credit.
Fifth, and remember I said this: Grow your ass up. No woman
wants to fuck a guy who acts like a twelve year old. Don’t know what I mean?
Leave a mess in the kitchen. Drop your dirty clothes in the floor. Drive her
car and leave it on empty. Stop at the store and get only the things you want
when you know she has a list a mile long. Sit around and watch TV while she
works her ass off. Complain about how you don't want to go down on her because you just don't care about it and it doesn't do anything for you.
And whine like a little bitch about how you don’t get enough
sex. Oh, yeah, that works every time, right?
Sixth and finally: Did it ever occur to you to ask her what she wants? You know, you
might just try that. You might be surprised at what she says. Of course, there
is one difficulty here. It’s probably been so long since you’ve asked her or
cared what she said if you did ask that, bless her heart, she has no idea what
she needs or wants. She probably used to know, but by now she’s completely
forgotten. She doesn’t remember what feels good, or what got her aroused, or
what she needs to feel “in the mood.” And that brings me to something else
entirely.
I see the windup for the pitch. No rotten tomatoes, please,
but ladies, I’m going to drag you into the fray. And here’s what I want to say
to you.
Talk to him. Tell him what you want and need. Use your mouth
for more than bitching. Be specific. Stop him if it doesn’t feel good. Tell
him, “A little to the left, honey.” If he’s trying but obviously doesn’t
understand, try to explain. You may even have to demonstrate, so get over any
shyness. You’re naked, after all. How much harder can it be to talk to him? If
he just doesn’t get it but he’s trying, tell him maybe you can practice
sometime in the daylight. Buy some books. Go to the adult store together and
look at some things you might want to try. In short, communicate. If you don’t,
it’s no one’s fault but your own.
But if you do and he just doesn’t seem to care and just goes
on his merry way, as I see it, you’ve got two options. You can just grin and
bear it.
Or you can go find yourself a man who really does care.
Because in case you haven’t figured it out by now, life’s too short to put up
with pitiful sex.
