Oh, those dirty words!

Well, here I sit, an erotic romance and erotica writer, contemplating writing a blog post about dirty words. So let me share an excerpt from a work in progress for you to cut your teeth on.

“So, what do you talk about while you’re fucking?”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, we don’t talk while we’re having sex.”

“Fucking.”

“Fucking.” She sighs. “Nobody does.”

I give her a knowing grin. “Oh yes they do. Guys love to talk while they’re fucking.”

Her eyebrows knit together gently. “About what?”

“They love to hear you use those words, clit, pussy, tits, fuck, ass, cock, dick, shaft, prick, cunt, suck, blow, horny, stroke, pound, hammer, cum. And there are more – can’t think of them right now. But they want you to talk about them. Talk about how they make your clit feel, how hard their cock is, how big it is, how badly you want their dick, how hard you want them to fuck you, how deep you want them to pound. You tell them how good their cum tastes. You tell them how hot and horny you are for them, how badly you need to be fucked, how you’ll give them anything if they’ll just use you for their pleasure.”

“You’re kidding, right?” She chuckles. “Seriously? They think you’ll actually say that?”

“I say that to them. I said it to your husband. And he loved it and pounded me that much harder.”

Well, class dismissed. She’s a hooker and she couldn’t think of any more dirty words, so neither can I.

But really, where did those things come from? Those vulgar words?

First, let’s look up the word “vulgar.” In reality, it means “common” or “ordinary.” So those vulgar words people are afraid of are really just common or ordinary. But by whose standards? I mean, if you leave the store and the cashier calls out behind you, “Have a fucking wonderful day!” you’d probably be all over the manager like stink on . . . you get the idea.

Usage of the word “fuck” was first noted in 1475. That was awhile back. I don’t remember it, so it must’ve been a long time ago. But the origins of what we now call vulgar words are considerably older than that.

You see, in 1066, William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. Consequently, French became the language of the land, especially in the courts and government houses. English was relegated to lesser, everyday uses. Here’s where things get interesting.

Remember the definition of “vulgar?” Well, many of those words that were shoved aside were what we now know as vulgar or dirty words. What made them so? Unfortunately, just the use of them by the English. Prior to 1066, “cunt” was an acceptable term for female genitalia in most social circles and nothing was thought of it. That goes for all of the other words too. “Cock” was most definitely the word used to describe the male genitalia, while testicles were known as “cods.” We know “tit” is a distorted form of the word “teat,” which is what most mammals’ mammary glands are still tipped with, according to any farmer who knows anything about livestock. I’m sure “slit” and “gash” were as equally commonly used. Matter of fact, most people in those days didn’t have a clue as to the proper names of body parts. They just named them as they saw them, hence the term “pussy.” Those French women weren’t having Brazilians back then, ladies and gents.

As for “cum,” well, that turned up first in the 1970s as a variation of the word “come.” But the source of the word “come” as ejaculation came from brewing. Yep, beer, if you can believe that. Seems that during the roasting of grain in the malting process, it can sometimes pop in a way similar to popcorn. When it does that, it’s referred to as the “come.” And there you have it. Others believe it came from shortening the phrase, “I’m about to come to orgasm.” Kind of like how we used to “go steady with” and now kids just “go with.” I have yet to find out where they’re going and if you ask them, they don’t know either.

And as for “shit?” That’s been around in various derivations for as long as mankind has record; actually, for as long as mankind has shit, which is a long, long time. I don’t know when it became a bad word, but face it, I’d rather hear “shit” than “bowel movement” any time. I mean, really? Where did that come from? Dreadful. Much worse mental picture than “shit” could ever bring about.

But remember that famous line from Hamlet:

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

That pretty well sums it up. A vulgar word, dirty word, call them what you will, is just the stringing together of a group of letters to make a sound that can then identify something. And this just begs this question: If a random term, oh, let’s say “brick,” had been used to describe female genitalia, would it now be a “dirty word?” I suspect it would be. Here’s one: “shaft.” Nobody flinches when someone talks about the shaft of a golf club, even though in my world it’s used to mean a cock, er, penis. Yeah, there ya go – that better?

With all of that said, I’m left to surmise that the thing that makes a word vulgar or dirty is indeed thinking that it is. You decide that a word is going to be dirty, and it becomes dirty. Just another pattern of strung-together letters to add to the rules about what people do and don’t think we should say. I say, fuck ‘em all and say what you like. Except in front of little kids. They have no filters. But in light of the truth, that shouldn’t matter either. A six year old who tells his teacher that he has to go take a shit will probably garner a call from said teacher to the parent, and all because someone decided that the word “shit” is a dirty word.

I certainly hope no one decides that about “dinner.” I know a bunch of uptight people who’d starve to death.